On the back of the book in Left Behind, a blurb summarizes the contents.
His writing is like his pencils...Short + sharp. Get ready to chuckle, chortle and maybe groan a little with the second handy pun book by comedian Will Livingston. Be the life of any party! Or perhaps the death of it. We accept no blame for cracked ribs, stitched sides or rolled eyes.
Known jokes in the book
The following puns are known to have come from this book when Ellie announces the book's title in the Pittsburgh chapter.
- "It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It'll still be stationary."
- "What did the Confederate soldiers use to eat off of? Civil ware."
- "What did they use to drink with? Cups. Dixie Cups."
- "I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."
- "A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame."
- "What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages? A stalemate."
- "What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra."
- "3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates."
- "People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow..." (Ellie comments "Too soon...")
- "I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist."
- "I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me."
- "You wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it was too cheesy."
- "What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!"
The following puns are known to have come from this book after Riley gives it to Ellie in Left Behind.
- "A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat."
- "I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, and it's impossible to put down."
- "It's not that the guy didn't know how to juggle... he just didn't have the balls to do it."
- "I'm glad I know sign language. It's become quite handy."
- "I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me."
- "When a clock is hungry... It goes back four seconds."
- "I once heard a joke about amnesia... But I forget how it goes."
- "When the power went out at the school... The children... were de-lighted."
- "Those fish were shy. They were obviously coy."
- "The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands."
- "I didn't have the faintest idea... as to why I passed out."
- "There was once a crossed-eyed teacher... who had issues controlling his pupils."
- "Diarrhea is hereditary... It runs in your genes."
- "I heard two peanuts walk into a park... One was as-salted."
Jokes from Riley:
- What does the triangle say to the circle? ... You're so piontless.
- What does a cannibal get when he's late to a party? ... A cold shoulder.